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(This write-up is better read after reading the write-up on Myself since that provides a context for this and many things in this would not make sense without that. Urmila, born 6^th December 1972, appears as "Heena" in this write-up because that’s the name she was known by before our marriage. Urmila is her real name, the name given by her parents; ‘Heena’ was her pet name, given to her by her best friend Naaz, and by which all her friends called her. This write-up is a copy-paste of much of what was written in 1998 with only minor changes, and I have left that as it was. Hence in this write-up, Mumbai also appears as ‘Bombay’ because that’s what it was called then)

I married late in life, when I was 34, on the 22^nd of February 1997. The story of how I ended up getting married to Urmila is a long and interesting one, and a very good illustration of what it means to "hear" and "obey" God and the problems of objectivity involved in knowing for sure whether it’s actually God and not our own ideas or emotions. But before we get into all that, we have to start much before, in my childhood days.

As a young boy, I was fed on American movies and novels (James Hadley Chase was my favorite and I must have read at least fifty of his books by the time I was fifteen). If there was one thing that struck me, it was the fact that people in these novels and movies so easily slid in and out of relationships with members of the opposite sex, with nary a thought of marriage. And having seen the dullness in the lives of many of the married people I knew, I had no desire to live a married life. I had no delusions about marriage – I knew that after an initial honeymoon period, all marriages, whether love-marriages or arranged-marriages, slid into boredom. I wanted none of that. I wanted to have only the fun of relationships with the girls, without any burdens of marriage. And this was to remain my attitude towards marriage till about 1992.

By this time, as described in the write-up Myself, I had become a Christian in the end of 1990. As Biblical teaching on marriage sunk into me, I began to see that my whole attitude towards marriage was wrong, that God has meant marriage to be a beautiful and wonderful relationship that was to be meant for life. I was also seeing it practically and in reality in many of the Christians’ lives. By 1992, my attitude had changed completely and I was now willing to consider marriage seriously. Since it was clear that my wife had to be a person with similar basic beliefs as I had, it was clear that she had to be a Christian (My parents had no problems with that; by this time, their stand had become, "Marry anyone you want, but don’t waste any more time!") So by 1992, I had started to consider marriage seriously.

That’s when the problem started!

The problem, strangely, was a problem of plenty! We were a group of about 10 churches spread over Bombay, Goa and Nasik, with about 100-150 people in each. And since there were common meetings held regularly, I must have been knowing at least 40-50 girls of marriageable age. The churches provided the right environment too: under the guidance of the leaders, with the appropriate checks and balances, we could freely mix in the right spirit, without getting emotionally entangled. The big question was: who was the right one for me? We were adequately warned by the leaders to truly seek God as to who the right person was, to be especially careful in this area since our emotions are especially vulnerable here, and many a times it becomes difficult to distinguish between God’s leadings and our own emotions. The question was to haunt me for the next four years. During this period, there were even a couple of false starts, so the caution was especially warranted.

The problem of plenty was to prove to be a bigger problem than any problem of scarcity would have been! In a problem of scarcity, you just marry whoever is there and willing! For us the big question was – how do we distinguish between our own emotions, our own desires, and God’s will? How does one ever know? How does one ever know what God's will is? How does one know whether in a particular issue of choosing, where no morals or ethics are involved, one is being led ahead by God, being led astray by the devil, or just being carried away by one's own emotions? That would be clear about moral/ ethical issues where God's will is our sanctification, but I am not talking about moral/ ethical issues, or any of the issues the Bible is clear about. But there are many issues the Bible is not clear about. And many others that in their nature, the Bible can never be - such as who is the particular person to marry! To gain some understanding on the matter as I was struggling with the problem the question posed, in October I read the book "Knowing God's Will" by Phil Rogers. The solution he suggested seemed to be the most sensible of all and the following portion from its Introduction (titled `The problems of guidance') summarizes it:

• God has a specific individual will for my life which is His perfect plan for me.
• Each of us is required to discover what that specific will is.
• We do so by seeking God in prayer and by reading the signposts. The signposts (sometimes called the harbor lights) are: the scriptures, our circumstances, the inner witness of the Holy Spirit.
• We make our decisions on the basis of the agreement of these signposts and we know something is the will of God when all three agree. Just as a boat can sail safely into harbor only when all three harbor lights are lined up, so we can safely proceed with a matter only when we are sure that the scriptures, circumstances and our inner peace concur.

In my confused state of mind, this view made good sense to me. But this view also flatly contradicted the popular view, even held in our churches. I asked David about it, but he disagreed with this view. I could also see why. Firstly, the person whom you marry is going to tremendously affect your life. I was clear that married life was no bed of roses. In this world with all its pressures, we need God’s help just to keep things afloat! Next, according to God’s ideal will, marriage is irreversible. Once we are we are married to a person, it’s to be for life. Now, if we claim to seek God’s will in other areas, and don’t seek it in this most crucial area, not only are we being inconsistent, we are being outright foolish! It was abundantly clear to me that the girl I marry has to be God’s choice for me. My marriage had to be an "arranged" marriage – "arranged" by God! Neither love-marriage nor man-arranged marriage (that is arranged by other human beings) was for me. I had seen enough of love-marriages breaking down in a few years time, the "love" vanishing over the pettiest of issues, vanishing faster than money. And I had no confidence in my own emotions, even love, knowing how fickle they were. No, my marriage had to be an arranged marriage, "arranged" by God and God alone. And it had to absolutely clear to me that it was God who was arranging it, by doing something extraordinary.

But that led to the next question - the big and more fundamental question mentioned before - How does one ever know what God's will is? How does one know whether in a particular issue, one is being led ahead by God, being led astray by the devil, or just being carried away by our own emotions? These were still the big questions that haunted me till 1994. I had started seriously considering some of the girls, but felt no confirmation from within. It was to get worse soon.

The Singles Camp at Nasrapur was held from Tuesday, the 27th to Friday, the 30th of December 1994. During the very first session (on the morning of the 27th of December), after we had sung a few praise songs, and I was not in a particularly worshipful state, and my mind was wondering around, and I was trying hard to bring it back, with my eyes closed, I heard the voice of a girl praising God. And as she praised God, the Holy Spirit fell on me powerfully*, and I was immediately in the presence of God. What I had been struggling to do in the first fifteen minutes without much success was effortlessly achieved in a matter of seconds. I opened my eyes and looked to see who the girl was, and noted her carefully. I had never met her before, nor had I ever seen her. I didn't know who she was. So I noted her carefully.

( * "The Holy Spirit falling on a person powerfully" may sound strange to people who are not aware of what it means, but is mentioned quite often in the Bible when God wants to do an extraordinary thing, and I guess I owe a short explanation for those not familiar with the phenomenon. For example, in Judges 14:5-6, it is mentioned that "Samson went down to Timnah together with his father and mother. As they approached the vineyards of Timnah, suddenly a young lion came roaring toward him. The Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power so that he tore the lion apart with his bare hands as he might have torn a young goat." I sometimes wonder whether my act of marrying Urmila was more difficult than Samson’s act of tearing the lion apart with his bare hands, but we shall let that pass. Samson is sometimes portrayed as a man with big bulging muscles, but it is clear from the Bible that he was an ordinary man like us, his physical strength came from the Spirit. In Judges 14:19, it is said of Samson, "Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power. He went down to Ashkelon, struck down thirty of their men, stripped them of their belongings and gave their clothes to those who had explained the riddle. Burning with anger, he went up to his father's house." In Judges 15:14 it is said of him, "As he approached Lehi, the Philistines came toward him shouting. The Spirit of the LORD came upon him in power. The ropes on his arms became like charred flax, and the bindings dropped from his hands." There are many other examples too. In Numbers 24:2, it says, "When Balaam looked out and saw Israel encamped tribe by tribe, the Spirit of God came upon him." In Judges 3:9-10, it says, "But when they cried out to the LORD, he raised up for them a deliverer, Othniel son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother, who saved them. The Spirit of the LORD came upon him, so that he became Israel's judge and went to war. The LORD gave Cushan-Rishathaim king of Aram into the hands of Othniel, who overpowered him." In Judges 6:34 is says, "Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Gideon, and he blew a trumpet, summoning the Abiezrites to follow him." In Judges 11:29 it says, "Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jephthah. He crossed Gilead and Manasseh, passed through Mizpah of Gilead, and from there he advanced against the Ammonites." In 1 Samuel 11:6 it says, "When Saul heard their words, the Spirit of God came upon him in power, and he burned with anger." In 1 Samuel 16:13 it says "So Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers, and from that day on the Spirit of the LORD came upon David in power. Samuel then went to Ramah." In 2 Chronicles 15:1 its says, "The Spirit of God came upon Azariah son of Oded." In 2 Chronicles 20:14, it says, "Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jahaziel son of Zechariah, the son of Benaiah, the son of Jeiel, the son of Mattaniah, a Levite and descendant of Asaph, as he stood in the assembly." In 2 Chronicles 24:20 it says, "Then the Spirit of God came upon Zechariah son of Jehoiada the priest." In Ezekiel 11:5, he says, "Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon me, and he told me to say: ‘This is what the LORD says: That is what you are saying, O house of Israel, but I know what is going through your mind.’" And of course, Jesus himself is the best example, the crucial event being recorded in all four gospels. In Matthew 3:16, "As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him." In Mark 1:10, "As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove." In Luke 3:22, "and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: ‘You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.’" And in John 1:32, "Then John gave this testimony: ‘I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him.’" Jesus himself said in Luke 4:18-19 that "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." The Spirit is also known to have come in power on a group of people such as recorded in Acts 2:1-4 "When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them." And in one instance, the Spirit came upon a group of people, even though two of them were not physically present in the same place: "Then the LORD came down in the cloud and spoke with him, and he took of the Spirit that was on him and put the Spirit on the seventy elders. When the Spirit rested on them, they prophesied, but they did not do so again. However, two men, whose names were Eldad and Medad, had remained in the camp. They were listed among the elders, but did not go out to the Tent. Yet the Spirit also rested on them, and they prophesied in the camp." (Numbers 11:25-26) In all these cases, the purpose was to do an extraordinary act that was not possible by human effort. And it is not only that the Spirit can come upon people, the Spirit can depart too on continued disobedience, as was in the case of King Saul. In 1 Samuel 10:10 it says, "When they arrived at Gibeah, a procession of prophets met him; the Spirit of God came upon him in power, and he joined in their prophesying. And In 1 Samuel 16:14 it says, "Now the Spirit of the LORD had departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD tormented him." Anyway, back to Nasrapur, to the 24^th of December 1994.)

That very afternoon, we were playing cricket, and I found her in my team. I found myself sitting on the ground next to her as we were awaiting our turns to bat, and I introduced myself. I came to know that her name was Heena Pawar, that she was from the Nasik church, that she came from a Hindu background, and that she was having a difficult time at home because she had chosen to follow Christ, and that her mother wanted to get her married off to a Hindu boy. Her turn to bat came and we had no more conversation that afternoon.

During the evening session that first day, the same thing repeated itself! Again she started praising God and again the Holy Spirit fell on me powerfully. When the same thing repeated the next morning, I started getting worried. During the next three days, I made some attempts to maneuver myself into a closer conversation with her, but they were largely unsuccessful. But I was intrigued by all that had happened.

Back in Bombay, on the 11th of January 1995, I shared with David what had happened - how that whenever this girl praised God at the camp, the Holy Spirit fell on me powerfully. David immediately felt that she was the right girl for me (adding that she was a ‘thinking’ girl). I was not quite so sure, and didn't say anything. I said that I was open to the possibility but I would like to meet her before coming to any conclusions. I was not the kind of person who would jump into any quick decision on so crucial a matter. David said that he would talk to Ulhas (the pastor of the Nasik church) about it. Ulhas's answer was that I could come.

On the 20th, I had another meeting with David. David was again absolutely sure.

"How can you be so sure?" I asked.

He then told me about Niven and Marina - how God had spoken and they had both immediately said "Yes". I was skeptical and thought it was too precipitous, and that I wouldn't like to rush in like that into anything so fast. I had to be sure first.

"You are sure. God has spoken. Now you are only looking for confirmation." he said. But "sure" was one thing I wasn’t and I called on my "healthy skepticism" which had served me so well before, to be ready once again for some heavy work.

So then, on the 24th of January 1995, I landed up at Nasik and reached Ulhas's place at around 11 a.m. Since no-one was at home, I went over to Edgar's home and chatted with Isabel, who told me that Indira had left a message that the meeting was that afternoon. We chatted till around 12:00 noon when we came to know that Indira was back. I went over to Ulhas's place.

I first asked Indira what David had said about the purpose of my visit. She said that David had said that I felt that God had spoken to me about Heena and so I wanted to meet her. I clarified to Indira that that was not the case, and that all I was saying was that whenever this girl praised God at the Camp, the Holy Spirit fell on me most powerfully. Indira then told me a few things about Heena's background, and about her difficult childhood.

I didn't like what I heard at all. What was all this? And what was I supposed to do? No way was I going to marry any girl out of a feeling of charity. That I knew would be disastrous in the future. So I prayed the situation into God's hands asking for his grace and wisdom.

Ulhas came at around 1:00 and we had lunch at 1:30. By this time it had sunk into me what a task I had in front of me. I had to first clarify to a girl with a difficult childhood, that I was not saying that God had spoken to me about her regarding marriage, only that whenever she praised God, the Holy Spirit fell on me powerfully. Feeling totally inadequate to the task, I prayed desperately in the other room alone, asking God to help me in communicating that to her without any negative effects. I only got more nervous.

She came in at around 2:30. The first five minutes with her I was a nervous wreck! All my self-confidence was gone! Like a teenager on his first date I stuttered and stammered as I explained the real reason of my coming to meet her, desperately hoping that she would not feel rejected. But I saw that there was no negative reaction from her at all, and I relaxed and got normal after those first five nerve-wrecking minutes.

After that things went smoothly. We talked for about two hours. In between, when Heena went out for a few minutes, Indira came and asked me what I thought/ felt about her. "What I feel", I answered, "is that she would either be a terrific girl to marry, or an absolutely terrible girl!" She would be either of the two extremes - with her, there will be no middle path. The guy who marries her either has it made for him, or he has it! Only time will tell.

We took a break at about 4:30. Ulhas suggested that we go out together with Niven and Marina, who were there, and in the closing stages of the finalizing of their marriage. It was the last day of Niven's stay there; he was to leave early the next morning.

So the four of us started off at about 5:00 pm for ‘Temple Hill’ at Devlali. By this time, it had struck me that the two hours in the afternoon were more like an interview - I asking most of the questions and she doing all the answering. To rectify this, I started sharing about myself as we walked the five minutes walk from Ulhas’ house to the main road. But we had not even reached it, and I realized that she was not interested at all. She had a far-away look in her eyes that were constantly looking everywhere else. She was paying no attention to me.

Noticing this, I stopped talking. Even in the rickshaw, she had been continuously looking away, and not interested in talking. So I let her be and instead, talked with Niven and Marina (in Nasik, they get away with four in a rick), mostly about Nasik and the land and accommodation prices and living costs there.

We reached Temple Hill at around 5:30 and climbed it up in five minutes. (All the time Heena was lost in her own thoughts and I still had to talk with Niven and Marina.) At the top of the hill, Niven and Marina decided to go alone further and we decided to sit at a place from where we had a good view. Heena was still quiet and still lost in her own thoughts. This was a really testing time.

"God, what do I do?" I asked Him, "Make conversation?"

"Just be quiet." he answered.

And so, we sat there, on the hill, absolutely quiet for about fifteen minutes or so, not one word being exchanged between us, except for one pointed question from me – "Are you a good conversationalist?" I asked.

She nodded her head saying "Yes". And then kept quiet! Something was obviously going on in her mind. I was now determined not to be the one to start the conversation. If anyone had to start the conversation now, it had to be she. And so we sat there, not exchanging a word; she thinking hard, I enjoying the view, with one eye on any tell-tale signs from her.

And then she spoke. And things started tumbling out. I can’t go into details here but it was obvious to me that she was in problems, and there was more to come.

As we were talking, Niven and Marina returned back, told us that they would be waiting for us at the foot of the hill, that we were not to hurry, that we could take as much time as we wanted. They continued walking down the hill.

We talked for a few minutes more and I realized that we were getting late. I suggested to her that if she was finding the time with me helpful, I was willing to stay back for the next two days, since 26th January was a public holiday. She agreed, but since the next day she had to attend college, she would come to Ulhas's place at 9:00 am on the 26th.

As we walked down, I asked her whether I could escort her home. She agreed. We decided to take a bus back. I didn't mind the half-an-hour's walk to the bus stop since it was a lovely, cool, pleasant evening, and we were in the midst of plenty of greenery.

"Are you sure it was I who was praising God when the Spirit fell on you?" she asked as we walked.

"Absolutely!" I said. I wouldn't make a mistake on that one – I had been extremely careful when I had noted her.

As we walked, more things tumbled out. And the next half an hour or so, I was doing a pastoral job, trying to make her see how wrong she was in what she was doing, how she needed to open up to Indira immediately and tell her everything.

By this time we were inside a bus, and after about half an hour of pastoring work, she suddenly relaxed, as if she knew exactly what she had to do; and that it was only a matter of time before she did it. She asked me if the next day I would come in the afternoon to her college where she was teaching, and help her in handling the situation she was in. I said it was okay with me if it was okay with Ulhas.

I reached her home and spent about ten to fifteen minutes at her home, talking to her mother.

I reached Ulhas's place at around 9:15 pm. Niven and Marina were there and that night all I told Ulhas that as far as I am concerned, marriage with her was a ‘No-No’. That night, as I lay on the bed at Edgar's place, I was already thinking about some of the other girls.

Only the next morning, after Niven and Marina had left, did I tell Ulhas and Indira the details; and that nothing could be considered for the next few months atleast until we see massive changes in her.

I decided not to stay on in Nasik any further because of a number of reasons. First, the real reason why I had come to Nasik was over. Next, Ulhas had a difficult evening, and a difficult next day. He, of course said that I could stay on, but my staying on, besides increasing the burden on him, would not be of any purpose (and might just come in the way). And Ulhas had said that it would not be wise for me to go with her to her college. I saw his point immediately and left Nasik that very afternoon.

I was in Bombay on the 26th afternoon, having spent the night at Karjat, but over the next one week, I was in a highly disturbed spirit. God was time and again showing me this girl and asking me whether I was willing to marry a girl like her. And obviously, my answer being No, I was having no peace. Peace returned only after I gave up struggling and agreed that if it was his will, I would be willing to do it. But He had to make it absolutely clear. Only after that could I concentrate on my work.

But that, of course, did not mean that God was asking me to marry her! We still had to see a lot of changes in her. Over the next year or so, I kept asking David about her progress, and he kept answering generally positively, sometimes negatively. I had also moved my attention to other girls – who were more of my age (Heena was ten years younger than I). But I had no inner confirmation.

By the middle of 96, I was in a highly confused state of mind. By this time I had got down to narrowing the list down to three girls, but was not sensing any inner witness about any of them. It was so maddening that I had decided to stay unmarried if necessary, but I was not going to go ahead with anybody until I was absolutely certain that God was in it. I had no delusions about marital life; I knew it was difficult, and I would be needing all the help from God that I could get!

At this time, David, who was still sure that Heena was the girl for me, said that there was a dramatic turnaround in her, and was I willing to consider her? Talk about adding fuel to the fire! And since I and Martin were slated to be in Nasik in the middle of September, I said okay to another meeting at that time.

I went to Anand on the 5th and the 6th of September 1996 with the group from our church which was going there for a visit to the newly planted church there. This was my first visit to Anand. I was so impressed by the way God moved there that I wanted to be a part of it, and also started making plans for it. That added one more thing to the list of ‘the things that were causing confusion’! As if it was not already long enough!

I and Martin went to Nasik on the 13th of September, because Ullhas had invited us to consider developing software for a certain requirement. He had already done the groundwork and had the broad framework ready. We discussed that on the morning of the 14th. Nothing much happened on that front after that. But plenty has happened on the other front for which we were in Nasik! Which is Madam Heena.

On the evening of the 13th itself, we had gone for a prayer meeting at Clara Moses’ home. Unknown to me, Heena had already sought God about me and God had spoken to her through the book of Ruth. Unknown to me also, she had prayed that God would confirm it during this prayer meeting by making me pray something that was about a bride. And unknowing about it all, I prayed something about the church being the bride of Christ! So when we were coming back home from the meeting, with Jemima and Deborah, she was absolutely certain that I was the person she was going to marry. And I was totally unaware about all of it.

The next day, Sunday the 15^th of September, we were to go for lunch together; and in the morning, I was in as confused a state as I could be. The only thing I was sure about was that I was not going to marry anybody without the clearest indicators from God. I would prefer to remain unmarried all my life than to take a hasty and irrevocable decision which would be affecting all my life. From 8:00 to 9:00 in the morning, after Ullhas had left for work (they had Saturdays as their weekly off), I had a chat with Indira over breakfast. Indira told me that God had spoken to Heena through the book of Ruth. I was very skeptical, and shared with her my confusion. I said that during the day, I was not going to try to guide the conversation in any direction; that I am just going to talk small-talk about ‘this and that’; and that I am not going to even bring up the subject of marriage. If God wants to do something, let him do it! And let him do it alone, without any help from me. I was not going to help him in any way. And let him do it in a way by which it is absolutely clear that it is he alone who is in it, without any help from me. It was like: If he wanted me to marry her, he had to get me to marry her! I had heard enough (and believed it too) that God loves to act in impossible situations. Impossible situation this was. Now was the time for him to show it by actions and not mere words.

From 9:00 to 10:30, I read the book of Ruth, and God didn’t impress anything on me particularly. We (Indira, Isabel and myself) left for Heena’s house at 10:30, Isabel jokingly referring to themselves as ‘baraatis’!

We reached Heena’s house at 10:45 and my first reaction was that of shock, as I saw the house. It had been completely transformed! When I had dropped her home on the night of the 24th of January 1995, the walls had gone black. But this house was looking clean, and painted. And when I learnt that Heena had single-handedly brought about this amazing transformation, I was truly impressed. To make matters even more interesting, her mother served ‘puran-polis’ one of my favorite dishes!

We left the house at 11:30. By this time I had recovered. A transformed house and a couple of puran-polis were not going to change my mind about her. I was going to be stubborn and do nothing to steer matters in any direction. It was God who had to do everything for it to be abundantly clear to me that he was in it.

We reached Ashiana restaurant at 11:45, and true to my intentions, I talked about everything else but marriage. I even told her about the wonderful work that God had started in Anand and my desire to go there. After lunch, we went for a walk outside, searching for a place to sit. After some searching, we found a good bench in Nehru Nagar, where we could just sit and talk. It was about 2:30.

We still continued on the ‘this and that’ talk, and not one word about marriage. Suddenly, at about 3:00, she herself opened up and started talking about her earlier issues. With a little bit of probing, I realized that her repentance was genuine, and that she had truly turned away from her old ways.

Even at 4:00 p.m. when we got up to leave (for Ullhas’ place which was about 15 minutes walk from the place we were sitting), I was in the same state of mind as I was in the morning. God had done nothing. Let alone anything meaningful, God had done absolutely nothing. Our conversations were just like the kind of conversations that any others who don’t have the faintest idea of what a relationship with God is all about, would have had. "This meeting has been a waste of time," I was thinking. "Sure she has turned around and I can see wonderful changes in her, but that doesn’t mean that I have to marry her." And so we got up to leave and take the 15-minute walk, she to her house, I to Ulhas’ place. It was in these 15 minutes, as we were walking back, that everything happened.

She (remember that she was already sure that she was going to marry me) asked me "After marriage, where do you intend to stay - Bombay, Anand, Nasik - what?" I answered, "To tell you the truth, I believe that God has spoken to me that I am going to be a person who is going to live in tents like Abraham", figuring out that if something could put her off any ideas of a cozy life with me, this certainly would! Although the statement was certainly true factually, my intention was to make her lose any interest she might have had in me! But at my statement she said, "You know what my friends say about me? They say that I have wheels on my heels and that I should attach a milometer on my legs so that at the end of my life, God will know how much I have traveled!" At that, the Holy Spirit fell on me powerfully again, just as it had done at the singles’ camp. God just broke through me, broke through my own thoughts and emotions, very, very powerfully. After that, for the rest of the 15 minutes, we were talking as if we were going to get married - as if we had already decided that we were going to marry, and we were now talking about future things. One of the questions I remember her asking me was, "After marriage, what are you going to call me - Heena or Urmila or what?" and I answered "Urmila - it has been one of my favorite names since college days." It was only when we reached Ullhas’ home, and she had left for her home to get ready, and I was alone in the guest room, did I realize the import of what had transpired! God had truly taken over!

That night, after returning from the service, we broke the news to everyone - Ullhas and Indira, Amma, Jemima and Deborah, Martin, Urmila’s mother, Edgar and Isabel, on the phone to David. Sadly, we couldn’t get my parents at Karjat on the phone. But that night was party-night.

The next day, the 16^th of September, was a private one, where the two of us went for a picnic to Darna, a lovely site by a river. I returned back in the evening and reached Karjat at about midnight and broke the news to my parents who were filled with joy.

And so, we got married on the 22^nd of February 1997. As expected, married life has been no bed of roses. Just because God so wonderfully brought us together didn’t mean that we would be spared the usual marital problems. We have had them all, and sometimes it had got pretty bad. It only meant that God’s help was more powerfully available to us. And we sure needed every bit of it. Because Urmila and I are total opposites by nature. Now when we talk to couples having marital problems, many a times we hear the words "We are incompatible." Incompatibility is nonsense. If there were any two incompatible people, it was I and Urmila! We are total opposites by nature. While she is a natural extrovert, I am a natural introvert. Within minutes of meeting a person for the first time, she is talking as if she knows that person from childhood. I take ages. I am a typical Bombay English-medium educated guy, her education has been in the vernacular medium in Nasik! (But I like the way she butchers English grammar, since I hated grammar in school). In-depth study of a subject comes naturally and easily to me and I can easily sit on the computer for hours. I am a natural skeptic, she is a natural believer. As far as computers are concerned, our kids have to teach her things, and even pressing Ctrl-Alt-Delete for starting off is a major acrobatic task for her! She is a very good cook, I am terrible! She loves non-veg food (that’s changed now), I love vegetarian. She wants the fan off and I, being a typical Bombay-guy, wants it on! She loves white shirts, I love black. She loves long walks, I don’t. She loves dark, cloudy days, I love bright, sunny ones. The list can go on endlessly. Incompatibility is nonsense. It’s only an excuse by people who have fed on the lies of the world, and who don’t want to work out their relationship. As I see it now, since our natural strengths and weaknesses so balance each other out, we make a perfect team! My strengths are her weaknesses, her strengths are my weaknesses. And so, between us, we would have more of what it takes to go through life successfully. And the differences are also what makes life so interesting. Imagine how boring life would have been if we would have married people like ourselves! Over the years, being with each other has naturally changed us some to pick up the strong points of the other, but it’s not been easy.

The only thing we had in common is a strong relationship with God, a belief that marriage is for life and its sanctity has to be maintained at all costs, not only in actions but also in thoughts and emotions, and that God’s help is always available to us when we need it, to be freely and actively availed of, as much as possible! We don’t subscribe to the "modern" view that if a marriage is not working out, it can easily be dissolved, and a new one entered into. That solves nothing. Since it doesn’t deal with real issues, the real issues remain, and will simply come up in another form with the other person too. If you can’t live with one for a lifetime, you won’t be able to live with another too (see The Voice). However "being stuck" with one person does not mean that life has to become boring and a drag, that one has to just "grin and bear it for the rest of his/her life". There is a third way, and we are interested in following that way. We also believe that life is a game to be enjoyed, and victory lies in living it righteously and enjoying it.

Much has happened after that, but this is not the place to talk about it. The best thing that has happened is the two lovely children that God has blessed us with - Ashish and Isha. Ashish came on the 18^th of April 1998, Isha on the 26^th of September 2000, and in these few years, they have already given us more than what we have given them.